


To Spaghetti, Im sorry.

by BadBoyDeanAsf



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Kellie is literally projecting rn, M/M, Major Character Undeath, READ IF YOU WANT TO CRY, Sad Ending, Suicide Attempt, sad asf, trigger warning bbs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:00:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22264486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadBoyDeanAsf/pseuds/BadBoyDeanAsf
Summary: “You're going to get this on your night stand when you wake up tomorrow morning. You're going to cry, you're going to mourn, And one day- Maybe soon you'll move on. Maybe some cute guy will sweep you off your feet. Maybe a stable one. Its gonna suck the first few days, I know it will, But you'll be fine. Your mom will definitely take it the hardest.. With me not able to make sweet love to her anymore.“
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	To Spaghetti, Im sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> SO MANY TRIGGERS!
> 
> PLEASE IF YOUR BIPOLAR DO NOT READ THIS!
> 
> It'll kinda trigger me writing this but idgaf so.
> 
> Maybe itll bring awareness?

Bipolar Disorder.

A cycle of Manic and depressive phases, Separated by almost a normal mood.~

Richie Tozier, Was diagnosed with bipolar in sixth grade two years after the death of his cousin- Mike. It seems that the death of a loved one at nine years old ends up triggering hidden diseases that could've been dormant for his entire life. His life could have been completely different, He could've made friends- Been popular, Gotten good grades. Maybe even attend school on time and gotten good attendance.

He had been friends with Eddie Kaspbrak from the age of four, up until now- The end of his junior year. Eddie would be going places, Richie would not. He dropped out, Terrified of what lies past high school and of returning for another year of torture and pain. Eddie was a straight A student, He was beautiful and happy, He was a spitfire. Eddie deserved the world, Richie Tozier did not.

Hanging out with Bill and Stan- It was different than being with Eddie, He loved Eddie with all his heart. Being with the boy gave him some joy that he rarely ever felt. He missed that, The feeling of being calm and at peace- His whole heart filled with love and contentment. Eddie always did that, He always calmed him. The amount of tv static that was in his brain every minute of the day- It drove him crazy. The constant buzzing was more of a feeling than anything else. The emptiness that he could never fill, it was terrifying.

So when the time comes, and his manic phases are over, He sleeps for days- He cries, Or sometimes its too much and he cant cry at all. So he thinks about how he wishes his life could be. He thinks about smiling without hidden fears and anxiety behind it. He wishes his heart didn't drop every single night, and his brain didn't turn into absolute mush.

He was in pain, Too much pain.

So he wrote, He wrote his goodbye and shed his last tear- 'cause lets face it, If you're a bipolar teen and you feel like you can't lean on anyone, You're doomed from the start- You're dead.

_**"** _

_**Eddie Spaghetti,** _

_**Its me, ya boi,** _

_**Im kidding, But seriously- Its me Richie,** _

_**You're going to get this on your night stand when you wake up tomorrow morning. You're going to cry, you're going to mourn, And one day- Maybe soon you'll move on. Maybe some cute guy will sweep you off your feet. Maybe a stable one. Its gonna suck the first few days, I know it will, But you'll be fine. Your mom will definitely take it the hardest.. With me not able to make sweet love to her anymore.** _

_**.Dont roll your eyes baby, Im kidding.** _

_**I'm being honest, Last night was the best night of my life, The fact that we were together- Really together, As one person. It was amazing and I'm glad after everything we've gone through, It was you. It was me and you together, And i think it was always meant to be that way. You were the first and last love of my life, Just like it needed to be. I don't want to leave you, but I know dragging you down would be the worst thing I could do. You can't worry about me or my phases anymore, Its not worth it- I'm not worth it. You're fucking going places, and Im so proud of you- So fucking proud. I won't be far, Most likely the cemetary down the street from your house. The one I used to draw in, y'remember? Oh! I wan't you guys to use that picture of me and you! The one at the beach, Where Im holding you and you're smiling at me like i hung the moon! I fucking love that one, And if theres a picture that I'd want at my funeral its that one.** _

_**Eddie, Im going to be with you forever, You know that right? I wouldn't leave you if I wasn't sure you'd be taken care of. Bill and Stan will help you through this shit. They'll help you move to california and escape your crazy ass mom, Just like me and you dreamed, except..I wont be there. Which hey! Its probably an upgrade to that dream of ours!** _

_**So I guess this is the part where I tell people what goes to who?** _

_*** My paintings and sketches- Along with the sketch books, Go to Eds- Obviously.** _

_*** My rings, To Eddie- Once again, Obviously** _

_*** All my shirts, Jackets, and Jeans go to Eddie, Cuz like, He'll cut them up or something and make them great.** _

_*** My music collection goes to Bill.. Maybe he'll get some taste.** _

_*** My comics go to Stan, Because he needs to read that shit, he needs to LEARN.** _

_*** This letter? It stays with Eds.** _

_*** My guitar? Also to Eds.** _

_**~Sorry ma.. You don't get anything other than my empty room and my childhood shit.** _

_**Anyway, I gotta go- The suns coming up and I gotta do this before I chicken out.** _

_**Eddie, I mean it, I fucking love you.** _

_**~ Richie- Trashmouth- Tozier."** _

So Richie did what he did best, He snuck out of Eddie's room via his second story window. He made his way to his own room, Kicked off his sneakers, Played Metallica and let out a shaky breath.

Now or Never.

The Rope burned around his throat, and it was over.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Crying is fun, Leave kudos babes. <3


End file.
